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The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, by Beverly Engel
Download PDF The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing, by Beverly Engel
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From the Back Cover
Praise for the emotionally abusive relationship "In this book, Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse. . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse. This book is a guide both for individuals and for couples stuck in the tragic patterns of emotional abuse." —Marti Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse and coeditor of The Journal of Emotional Abuse "This groundbreaking book succeeds in helping people stop emotional abuse by focusing on both the abuser and the abused and showing each party what emotional abuse is, how it affects the relationship, and how to stop it. Its unique focus on the dynamic relationship makes it more likely that each person will grasp the tools for change and really use them." —Randi Kreger, author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook The number of people who become involved with partners who abuse them emotionally and/or who are emotionally abusive themselves is phenomenal, and yet emotional abuse is the least understood form of abuse. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on the subject, shows us what it is and what to do about it. Whether you suspect you are being emotionally abused, fear that you might be emotionally abusing your partner, or think that both you and your partner are emotionally abusing each other, this book is for you. The Emotionally Abusive Relationship will tell you how to identify emotional abuse and how to find the roots of your behavior. Combining dramatic personal stories with action steps to heal, Engel provides prescriptive strategies that will allow you and your partner to work together to stop bringing out the worst in each other and stop the abuse. By teaching those who are being emotionally abused how to help themselves and those who are being emotionally abusive how to stop abusing, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship offers the expert guidance and support you need. —Susan Forward, author of Emotional Blackmail
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About the Author
BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized therapist with an expertise in abuse, women's issues, relationships, and sexuality. She is the author of several nonfiction books, including Loving Him without Losing You, Honor Your Anger, The Power of Apology, and The Emotionally Abused Woman. Engel has appeared on many national television shows, including Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and others.
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Product details
Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (August 13, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0471454036
ISBN-13: 978-0471454038
Product Dimensions:
6.1 x 0.8 x 9.1 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
123 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#62,667 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
...quite possibly my life. The sad truth is that I had been emotionally abusing my wife for years. When she broke the news that she was leaving me, I poured myself into reading and researching everything I could on the topic of verbal and emotional abuse. This book is a major stand out. As many other reviewers have stated, this is one of the only ones on the market that treats the abuser as a damaged human being rather than an irredeemable monster. I was lucky enough to be married to a woman who agreed to give me a chance to change my behavior, she also agreed to read this book with me. Through the exercises and conversations based on the material in the book, we came to a much deeper understanding of what the other was thinking and feeling and began communicating much more effectively. But the biggest breakthrough came when, after reading the chapter on personality disorders, she looked me in the eye and asked "Do you think you have borderline personality disorder?" I didn't want to accept it at first but the more I read, the more convinced I became. I have since been officially diagnosed and undergoing treatment and for the first time ever, I no longer feel like my life is spiraling out of control and toward inevitable... well, let's just say that I probably never would have realized what was going on with me had I not read this book, and the realization most likely saved my life.
After reading Beverly’s book I decided it would be helpful to explore why I had allowed myself to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage for 11 years. I also wanted to know how to deal with my husband until I could divorce him, and how I could heal from this trauma. When I found that Beverly offered therapy by phone I thought I had found the perfect therapist. As you can imagine, I was scared, confused, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. My husband and I were having serious financial problems and I was facing potentially supporting my mildly special needs child on my own after being out of the work force for 13 years. Many things were said, but I’ll give you some highlights. From our first session, Beverly seemed kind but at the same time slightly irritated with me. It was confusing but I could not understand why on earth she would be irritated with me. Surely I must be misinterpreting. Our third session she blurted out that she never gets irritated with clients but she was irritated with me. I talked too much and got off topic. I didn’t pause long enough after she made a point. She didn’t understand what I wanted from the sessions. During another session, she asked out of the blue if I thought I was beautiful. She was trying to understand where my sense of entitlement was coming from. Another time she insisted on talking at length about why I had not been more successful financially at my previous career. The unspoken conclusion was that I was a failure. That's how we ended the session. She spoke to me like I was a child. I found myself considering staying with my abusive husband after It had taken me a year to muster up the courage to decide to leave and she was slowly chipping away at this. I had anticipatory anxiety before our sessions, afraid of not pausing long enough after she spoke, saying the “wrong†thing. I was anxious and crying a lot. Confused. I was feeling more and more hopeless and losing my willpower. I finally realized what this women was doing to me. She is still very much an abuser and should not have a license to practice.
This book blames the woman for the abuse she receives from her partner. The last thing an abused woman needs is to be told that it is her fault for the abuse, then list ways in which she can change her behavior, in order to stop the abuse. Absurd!
Engel places a lot of blame on the parents, which is not true in my case, and at times she seemed trying to convince me that I was incorrect about that. However, this gave me a lot to consider and good tools to use in my relationships.
This bookChanged my life. I recommended it to many other people and they said the same thing. It blew our minds. This book is one of a kind in that it doesn't assume the abuser is male. If you're teetering on the fence, just buy it.
illuminates the abused and the abuser. both parties should definitely give this a go. will really open your eyes to behavior you had no idea was abusive. highlight or take notes. if you've been through this sort of turmoil, you should have this book in your house and refer to it as needed to educate yourself or others you love.
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